I've been away for awhile due to depression, but have been asked a few times to update. Depression is something that is rare for me. I don't often become depressed. My nature is pretty much like Odie from Garfield [hopefully I'm not as dumb, though]. I think it is beginning to break, as I'm having normal times in between the down times, and the normal times are becoming greater than the down times. I haven't been able to really do any new art. There has been some photography, and I probably should have posted it - I've just been down.
I've just run into a lot of problems: getting good prints made due to different chemicals in the machines on different days that produce images vastly differently, money to get the prints made, equipment problems with other forms of art. As has been a theme in my life, when I put my mind to something everything seems to well up in my way. I've hit this wall enough times to keep myself calm and to just keep going, even though quite often I don't find away around the wall. You see, I'm very much an optimist - sickeningly so. But right now I'm feeling very much a failure at pretty much everything and am almost wondering who I am to even be trying to do this, almost as though I'm completely ridiculous. I just can't seem to get anything right and I'm not quite sure what to do about it.
I think art - in all its forms - is a very baring, naked thing to do. It's delicate but strong, frightening but brave. You have to be honest if you want to create art, which is why I'm sharing this. I don't know how many people actually read this, but if anyone does I feel that you deserve to know what goes on in my mind artistically and where I've been. Sorry it isn't something exciting, like winning a castle and discovering the existence of unicorns and fairies, or something wonderful like that.
Hopefully some great creative energy comes out of all of this. One thing I will say is that I am fully empathetic for those who often battle depression. This is some nasty stuff and I don't know how you all do it. I was bed ridden for a few years with a heart ailment and this is on par with that. I will forever pray for you all because this is just terrible. But, as I wrote earlier, I feel I'm coming out of it so don't worry about me.